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(Some vampires have the 'Eat Food' merit which allows
them to mimic consuming human food, but at some point in the evening they have to throw it back up again, because they do
NOT digest it in any way, and it does NOT pass through them. Some also have the 'Blush of Health' merit that makes you appear
somewhat more human, and your skin is only slightly cool to the touch, it does NOT mean you breathe or your heart beats. Vampires
do 'swallow' blood, but this is a muscular effort of the body akin to a vacuum cleaner, not an effort of the throat.
This is why a strength roll is involved to diablerize,
the final bit of vitae requires more 'pull' then the rest.)
Taking all of these things into consideration, it becomes
easy to see that a vampire would be unable to delude themselves into thinking they are still human. The fact that their body
just doesn't react the way it used to in SO many different ways would make any attempt at pretending to be mortal a waste
of time and a source of inevitable frustration.
But those were just the MUNDANE aspects of the change.
A vampire awakens from the embrace feeling very different
than they did in their last moments of life. They are no longer in cooperation with their body in many ways, they are now
in complete command of it, save for the Hunger.
A vampire awakens feeling stronger, faster, keener of sense and mind, than they ever felt in life. This part of the
change is not necessarily represented in any stat changes, but it is nonetheless true for ANY vampire. In many practical ways
they ARE superior to their former mortal selves.
Consider strength as an example. The human body does not have a set strength capability, it has a limit that is defined
by health, preparation, level of fatigue, and a dozen other attributes that make the actual limit of any person's strength
a fluid and nebulous thing. There are large men that lift heavy weights in competition professionally that have lifted as
much as 700 lb. (320 kg) ONCE in a bench press. But when they are forced to do many lifts in a short period of time, what
they can lift drops to around 500 lb. (225 kg) or less. This falls back to the fatigue poisons and activity impairment. It
is functionally impossible for a human being to work at their MAXIMUM capacity for more than a few tasks at most.
Now, consider the vampire - they have no impairment that prevents them from using their maximum potential in every task
if they so desire. So it is possible for a vampire to exert themselves completely in feats of strength, making them SEEM to
be up to twice as strong as they used to be. This has no effect on the upper limit of their strength, which doesn't change
until they learn Potence, it simply means that they can operate at that limit all night, without ever getting tired.
Likewise a vampire will SEEM to be twice as fast on their feet as they used to be when they are forced to run. Why?
Because the average human can sprint for a few seconds at a speed roughly twice what they can maintain in an extended run.
After those few seconds, the muscular fatigue forces them to slow down. Another factor in running is cardiovascular fitness,
if your lungs are out of shape or impaired in any way, they can't supply oxygen as fast as the muscles need it, and the muscles
slow down. Vampires do not breathe, and never suffer fatigue, therefore their running speed is in essence their sprint. Around
12 mph (19 kph) for the average reasonably fit human of average size.
What about the senses? Why would they be better? This is a bit more nebulous, but in the case of the big three (sight,
hearing, and sense of smell) relatively easy to explain.
Sight - human eyes dry out when they stare, they water, and they
are irritated by various elements in the air quite easily. Combine these things with eyestrain, blinking, and a dozen other
factors, and you will see that focusing sharply and totally is difficult at best for the human eye. Since none of these considerations
apply to the vampire, it is also easy to see why they would seem to experience clearer and sharper sight. Hearing - this one
is even simpler. The human body produces a great deal of 'white noise' that we simply become accustomed to, and usually don't
even register hearing - heartbeat, pulse, fluid shifting, breathing, etc. Everything they hear is strained through this web
of noise produced by their own physiology, much like listening to one person at a party. When all of that noise is removed,
it suddenly becomes obvious that the person they are listening to is actually shouting. So too does the vampiric ear SEEM
to be more keen, simply because all the 'white noise' is gone.
Sense of smell - humans receive scent data from molecules in the air that they breathe in. Simple enough. But they
breathe OUT again almost as quickly, by necessity, and therefore reduce the amount of sensory input they can get from any
one breath (this is the reasons that animals, especially dogs, breath shallowly and rapidly when scenting, they cram as much
as they can as quickly as they can into their nose, with a minimum of exhalation). Since vampires don't breathe out - well,
you can see where this is going.
These factors add to the inhuman and unnatural sense
that vampires have of themselves, but they are by no means the largest indicators that they have changed. One factor remains,
and within it are many attributes that combine to make the BLOOD the largest and most pressing sign of the new vampire's status.
The Blood is everything to a vampire. It is every meal,
every breath, every thought, every feeling, every action they have ever or will ever take. It is their first, last, and only
requirement, their best friend, and at times their worst enemy. Without it they simply cease to exist.
The Blood is their
power, their drug, their means to live and their reason for living.
The Blood brings with it the Hunger, and lurking behind
the Hunger is the Beast that all vampires fear to some extent.
The Blood, which vampires call 'vitae', infuses their
entire body. It takes the place of their nervous system, but it doesn't flow the way human blood does. It's simply there,
to be used as needed. It allows them to move, to feel, to think, and to do things no mortal could dream of. It is the most
precious thing in existence to a vampire. They never waste it, and they use it carefully, because getting more isn't exactly
easy. If they run low through exertion or stupidity, they begin to battle the Hunger, that driving need to have more before
it's too late. The Hunger is not a sensation like human hunger or thirst, it is more akin to the drive for self-preservation
in an animal, that instinct that will cause a wolf to gnaw off it's own foot to escape a trap, the same kind of drive that
will cause even the tiniest creature to turn and bite viciously when trapped. The unthinking, unreasoning, uncaring need to
survive. Woe to the vampire that let's the Hunger get too strong, because then the Beast takes over, and that Hunger is personified.
A vampire in Frenzy will gladly rip the head off their own lover to drink from the fountain of their gushing neck, they would
rend their own children in half to get at the blood hidden in their small bodies.
NOTHING is more important to the Beast than survival.
Nothing.
The average human finds drinking blood somewhat distasteful,
except where culturally tolerated or encouraged, but to the vampire blood is more than just a necessity. It is more potent
and delicious than the most powerful drug or the finest of meals. Nothing can compare to the all-consuming ecstasy a vampire
feels when drinking, or the high that stays with them long after the meal is finished. It is a permanent and absolute addiction
that instantly becomes the center of their lives. A vampire never treats blood lightly unless they have gorged themselves
to the point of bursting, and they can never ignore it. Even the thin trickle from a mortal's cut finger sings a siren call
to the senses of a vampire, distracting them, drawing their attention. Open bleeding has been known to drive vampires into
a feeding frenzy, they simply can't help themselves. They can smell blood in a room the same way a human being can smell dinner
cooking, and they never fail to take notice.
Vampires face a problem in this, however, due to the
world they live in. Getting the blood they need is generally socially unacceptable, and they must be careful in how they go
about it, lest they wake up with a stake in their chest in time to see the ax descending on their neck. If they want to maintain
absolute secrecy, they have to hunt carefully, lure potential meals away from spectators, take what they need but not enough
to endanger life, then somehow hide the fact of what they've done from the mortal as well. Some vampires are blessed with
powers of the mind to accomplish this, others have to rely on subterfuge and wits to get by. If they DO kill their victim,
there's the question of disposing of a bloodless corpse. A particularly active vampire may have to spend half the night just
in the hunt, since their hunger demands more than what just one victim can provide. For this reason some vampires will keep
'herds', groups of people kept solely for the purpose of feeding. This raises its own problems, because the vampire needs
to house these people somewhere and ensure their silence. No matter how they do it, the quest for Blood, for survival, becomes
the driving force in a vampire's every waking hour.
Despite all of these very real and immediate changes,
there is one thing, and one thing only, about a vampire that doesn't change right away. The one thing that becomes a curse
that makes all the other curses of vampirism pale by comparison.Their emotions.
For a time, often a long time, vampires still feel the way a human would. Their hearts love, laugh, hurt, and cry
just as though they were mortal. This is the ultimate bane of the vampire, to be a monster by nature and design, but to be
human at heart.
They can feel from their first seconds of unlife the truth of what they've become. They can often see it. From those
first moments they begin a struggle between their new natures and their old inner selves. The Hunger demands blood, and will
kill to get it, but the human within recoils from the horrors that they now find themselves capable of. Guilt, remorse, regret,
horror - these things plague new vampires as they feel the monster within clawing its way to freedom. Murder becomes a temptation
and a horrifying inevitability they must wrestle with. They look at former friends and smell the blood in their veins, becoming
wracked by disgust that they could think of a friend or lover as food, and a secret terror that comes from the knowledge that
if they lose control just once - that friend will die by their hand. If they retain their humanity long enough, they watch
people, places, things they love age, rot, and die as their own immortality carries them onward unchanging.
For these reasons many withdraw from human society quickly, but many more struggle with the terrible slide away from
being human, and experience pain and heartache like they never suffered in life. Most try to turn to their own kind for comfort,
but none can be found there either. Vampires view each other as potential threats, competitors, and enemies. At best there
can be alliances, carefully plotted and jealously guarded. The demands and pressures of unlife make no vampire trustworthy,
and many other factors, such as the Blood Bond, render them downright suspicious. This emotional minefield often drives vampires
to complex and manipulative ends to try and create some form of lasting security for their dying hearts. They create childer
and try to hold them to themselves, sometimes by binding them with the Blood. They will surround themselves with ghouls that
have no choice BUT to love their domitor, and they will even trick and seduce other vampires into the Bond. Ultimately it
all fails. In the end the vampire must face the crushing weight of hunger and immortality alone, and make their peace with
it whatever way they can. Virtually none of them survive this ordeal with more than a shred of their humanity intact, and
the loss is like a surgery without anesthetic that lasted centuries. To fight this horrible tide, most vampires embrace artificial
passions to keep themselves feeling 'alive' inside. This zealous pursuit of stimuli to stave off the death of their human
side has become so ingrained in the whole of vampire society that it has overtaken and become the very shape of that society.
Each clan is defined at its heart by which pursuit it's forebears chose to stimulate their passions, every bloodline
now chooses its childer on the basis of how well they match the mold of their own version of that battle.
The Ventrue pursue glory in leadership and success.
The Toreador quest passion in art and recognition.
The Brujah seek revitalization in uncontrolled passion and wild abandon.
The Nosferatu seek attenuation through knowledge and the unveiling of secrets.
And so it goes, through every possible version of human expression, mirrored and refined to a grotesque art by the immortal
souls fearing the darkness within - revenge, trickery, deceit, love, madness, the list goes on. In the end, every vampire
is defined by what makes them inhuman, and what they do to try a fight that inevitable truth.
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